I will be a guest in February on the PAST LIVES PODCAST hosted by Simon Bown

Signs you are being manipulated

Why and how do people try to manipulate you? And how can you stop this? Signs you are being manipulated.


Some people will try to discover if you are open to manipulation. You can’t change them (don’t try, it’s useless-waste of your energy and time). The only one who can change this is you.

You will find manipulation the most with younger souls.  Because they believe that this is the way to treat others. They have to learn that manipulation is all about misuse of power, lack of love and equality between people.

So maybe you can look at them from that point of view; that they can't help that they are doing this because they are learning.

And you can help them by showing them that it's not okay to manipulate.

I will explain how you can show this to them. But first I want to tell you the signs that you are being manipulated. Because sometimes it's very subtile:


If someone is suddenly much nicer to you for no reason. Much nicer than he or she normally is? It's very likely

that this is a sign of manipulation.

When you don't feel ok after giving in to a request, you have been manipulated.

When you just give in to a request because you know that you will feel guilty afterwards, you are being manipulated.

They try to persuade you after you said No.

When you say No and the person becomes furious, that is also a form of manipulation. Manipulation through intimidation.

When someone pretends that he or she is helpless without your help or presence.

They try to awaken your compassion, often by saying that they are always a 'victim of the situation'. Or 'I always have

to do it alone'.

They use flatter; I will feel so much better if you do this for me. You are so good in doing this. If you do this, it will be much better.

They become angry to frighten and manipulate you.

They pretend that it's best for you; 'you know that it's for your own advantage to do this'.

They put you under pressure, blaming you in advance for any major problems when you don't do what they want.

They beg.

They try to buy you.

They emotionally blackmail you; 'if you were really collegially/a really good husband or wife/good parent/good friend/good child etc. you would do it'.

They compare you with another person in a unfavorable way; 'Julie did this, why can't you do this?'

They work on your guilt; 'what will they (parents/customers etc.) think of us?'


Know your own vulnerable spots. Set your limits and ask for time. Say after a request; can I answer your request in an hour/this afternoon/tomorrow? When you buy time for yourself you can feel what you want and plan and practise your answer. Know that your first feeling, your instinct will give you a strong signal if someone tries to manipulate you. When you feel this signal, say that you need time to think about it. When you do this often, you will discover that it gets easier every time.


YOU decide what you want to do and HOW. It's no fun for the manipulator if he or she can't manipulate. They will find someone else if you stand your ground.

It's possible that the manipulator tries to help you (on a subconsious level) with you learning to stand your ground. If this is something you want to learn in this lifetime, you will come accross manipulators often. Until you have learned to stand your ground.